As promised, have updated Sharon Randall’s very advanced guide to marriage, that I shared in an earlier post, pontificating the fact that I had been doing this blog for a year now and was, still, married! Have written some rather more achievable tips, I think, based on my own experience. I did try and post some on Facebook every day …but in the end it all got a bit much for me, so before I phone a solicitor, here goes:
25 Tips on How to Stay Married
1. Always put her first – before work, friends, even basketball. Act as if she’s the best thing that ever happened to you, because we all know she is. Pretend you never find him annoying
2. Keep no secrets. Pool your money. Allow nothing and no one to come between you. Agree with everything he says, but carry on buying shoes whenever you need them.
3. Pick your fights with care. Play fair. Show some class. Hurtful words can be forgiven, but they’re hard to forget. I like this – be kind at all times
4. Fall in love again every day. Kiss her in taxis. Flirt with her at parties. Tell her she’s beautiful. Then tell her again. Have sex
5. Never miss an anniversary or a birthday or a chance to make a memory. Memories may not seem important now, but one day they’ll be gold. Have sex on your anniversary and both your birthdays at least…if you can remember the last time you had sex – that is very good.
6. Never give her a practical gift. If she really wants a Shop-Vac, let her pick it out herself. Buy your own jewellery, flowers, shoes….
7. Go to church together, and pray every day for each other and your marriage. Get drunk together and hope both your hangovers get better soon
8. Pay your bills on time and make sure you each have a living will, a durable power of attorney and life insurance, lest, God forbid, you need them. Yeah – arrange childcare quickly
9. Love her parents as your own, but don’t ask them for money. Never criticize her family or friends. On her birthday, send flowers to her mother with a note saying, “Thank you for giving birth to the love of my life.” Hmmm…errr… being reasonably polite to your mother-in-law at all times is probably enough.
10. Always listen to her heart; if you’re wrong, say you’re sorry; if you’re right, shut up. Apologise profusely if you have bought a lot of shoes this month or, don’t tell him at all.
11. Don’t half-tie the knot; plan to stay married forever. – Errr start organizing the golden wedding celebrations now?
12. Never go to bed mad; talk until you’re over it, or you forget why you were mad. Pardon??
13. Laugh together a lot. If you can laugh at yourselves, you’ll have plenty to laugh about. Now, why did the chicken cross the road…?
14. Never criticize, correct or interrupt her in public; try not to do it in private either. Don’t hit him in public or private
15. Remember that people are the least lovable when they are most in need of love. Yes, this is true – grumpy misery-guts need a lot of tlc
16. Never fall for the myth of perfectionism; it’s a lie. Perfect people are surrounded by idiots, inevitably
17. When you don’t like each other, remember that you love each other; pray for the “good days” to return and they will. Pardon?
18. Tell the truth, only the truth, with great kindness. This is a very good idea – I will honestly do this from now on – honestly!
19. Kiss at least 10 seconds a day, all at once or spread out. Try and have sex occasionally
20. Memorize all her favorite things and amaze her with how very well you know her. Make sure you go on plenty of girls nights out
21. Examine your relationship as often as you change the oil in your car; keep steering it on a path you both want it to go. Check his mobile for dodgy texts and emails from other women – not nice but prob useful…
22. Be content with what you have materially, honest about where you are emotionally, and never stop growing spiritually. Buy as nice as a house as you can afford, starve yourself so you can afford to go on the occasional holiday
23. Never raise your voice unless you’re on fire. Whisper when you argue. Good idea – scary
24. Be both friends and lovers; in a blackout, light a candle, then make your own sparks. Not such a good idea – don’t try this
25. Finally, be an interesting person, lead your own life. But always save your best for each other. In the end, you will know you were better together than you ever could’ve been apart. Goodness – if you can follow that you are doing well….think it means ‘the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts’…yes, very good.
Here’s to happily ever after.
sharonrandall.com Thank you Sharon, you are an inspiration!